The random ramblings of a perpetual procrastinator. These are the life & times of a nursing home CNA navigating the ups & downs of living with someone who's living with a disability. A sometimes amusing, sometimes bittersweet look at my journey into real adulthood.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

My choice

"You can tell me to shut up anytime," said the charge nurse who had to know she was asking very personal questions about my relationship. 

But, my policy has always been that I prefer people to ask me questions instead of discussing my life amongst themselves behind my back.  I hate that.

It was such an odd conversation that I felt it was worth sharing.

She started with, "He's in a wheelchair, right?  And you're okay with that?"

Yes, DJ uses a wheelchair.  I think the fact that we've been together for over two years & own a home is evidence enough that I'm okay with it.

Then we went on to, "So you really love him, right?  You don't just pity him, do you?"

Yes, I do really, really love him - despite how it may seem when you read some of my blog posts.    Although I do pity him, it's not becase of the's because he has to live with me & my ever-changing mood.

And you're going to love the next one. "The muscular dystrophy, what exactly does that effect?  I mean, does his penis still work?"

I'll just say yes.  We won't elaborate any further.  You're welcome.

The conversation then turned serious.  This nurse knows my MIL, who works at the same facility as me.  So she knows that DJ's father passed away a few years ago.  Her next question was, "His dad was pretty young when he died, are you okay with that?"

No, I'm not okay with that.  Even though DJ & I weren't together when his dad passed away, I'm sad every time I think about it & I wish things has turned out differently so he could still be here with his children. 

As it relates to DJ & I, I use the bus theory.  None of us know what the future holds.  I may walk out my front door later today & get run over by sed bus (although it's highly unlikely, since there are no buses on my road).  Along those same lines, I don't know what will happen in DJ's future.  The truth is, his disease effects his body in adverse ways.  And on top of that, he smokes & eats like crap.  More likely than not, we will not be in our 90s together.

If DJ lives to be the same age as his father we will have spent 24 years together.  Although no one hopes for an end date to their relationship, I am smart enough to know that some people go through their entire lives never having the love I get in one day with him.

What I told that nosey nurse was, "I choose to be thankful for the time I have."


  1. Whoa! What a buttload of questions for a co worker to ask! I would have said if she needed some work to do I would have gladly found her some so she could shut her pie hole! Ugh.

  2. You have the right attitude! I always say don't judge someones family, or their love. To have and know either of them is grand enough ;)

  3. Great post - I love your attitude and your perspective. You're lucky to have each other ;)

  4. I would have told her to shut the fuck up and get back to acting like she is busy "working". That's just me =)