Tribute

Tonight is my last night working 2nd shift & my first night working 3rd shift.

It's a bittersweet moment for me.  I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life, nursing school.  Working 3rd shift is necessary in order for me to achieve that goal.

I will be getting to know new residents, whose lives I know I can positively impact.

But, I am also sad.  I will miss those residents who I've become so close too.  After spending 40 hours a week with them for almost a year, the idea of hardly seeing them anymore is breaking my heart.

They have become like family to me, & I love each of them. 

These are people who have lived long, incredible lives.  And even though I'm sometimes so busy I can't imagine that I'll ever get finished with my work, I always make time to listen to their stories - which is the most important lesson I ever learned.

Throughout my career I will meet & care for many patients.  I will treat them all with the same love & respect, but I will forget most of their names & faces.  No one can remember everyone, & I think that's a good thing in the end.

But the names & faces I'll remember vividly are those of my original residents.

The people who say, "Hi there, honey bee!  How are you today?" 

The people who say, "I'm so glad to see you! You're one of the people I feel close to here."

The people who say, "You're my little princess, & don't you forget it."

They've shared their wisdom, as well as their goodnight kisses.  I have been through silly moments, frustrating moments & downright disgusting moments with these people - & every single one has been worth it.

When I started this job I had never worked in health care before. I was terrified because I had no idea what to expect. It was these residents who really taught me how to do this job, better than any book or lecture or clincial practice ever could.

The hardest part about this transition is knowing that I will not get to see some of them ever again.  Although I will get back to this unit in my travels, those days will be infrequent & some of my dear loved ones will be gone.  And given what their situations are, I am not able to say goodbye to them because they wouldn't understand if I did.

The blessing is, most of them won't realize I'm gone.  They're happy to see me, but when it comes to patients with Alzheimer's & dementia, out of sight really is out of mind.  While I'm glad there will be no hurt feelings on their part, my own heart is breaking.

So this is my tribute & my goodbye to those people who not only taught me how to do what I do, but also to love what I do.

Sounds like a plan.

So, everyone knows how I hate "the math."  I think this is how I'll get through the next year & a half.


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Sound good?

Big, ol' sigh of relief.

Remember when I was studying for my placement test, & the math was killing me?

Remember when I did all that studying, & then there was no math on sed placement test, but there was random science & so I was sure I failed?

Remember when I accepted that I'd be taking the long route to being an RN, but was committed to my Plan B?

Yesterday I had my interview with the director of the nursing program I applied to.

We reviewed my scores, & let me just say that I kicked that test's ass!!  I scored in the 99th percentile overall, & in the 96th percentile on specifically the math portion.

Then we reviewed my high school transcripts & my references.  I can't thank the lovely ladies responsible for my wonderful references enough.  Their very kind words & their belief in what I'm capable of mean so much to me.

It was at that point that the director said the words I've been longing to hear,

"You can consider yourself accepted if you meet the rest of the requirements."

The rest of the requirements being background checks, fingerprinting & not being a secret drug addict or felon.  I can safely assume that, those being the last hurdles, I'm in.

At that point she could have told me to get the hell out of her office & slammed the door in my face, because I got what I came for.  But to further improve my day she kept the compliments coming.

She asked me, "I'm sure you qualify for an RN program anywhere.  Are you sure you want to come here?"

She being an RN herself, so that comment meant a lot to me.

When I explained that the best RN program in my area didn't agree, but that I wasn't willing to give up on my goal & that yes, I really did want to attend her school, she said, "Well, it'll be refreshing to have someone as bright as you in our program."

Have I mentioned that I love this lady?  Because if I didn't, I do.

So to celebrate I went out for dinner with the people I love & a boy name Colin. (That was for you, Jenn.)

Afterwards we continued the celebration with more people & lots of alcohol.  It was St. Patrick's Day after all.

I've got a rare Friday off today, & the weather is going to be gorgeous.  I plan on doing lots of outside things in the yard & capitalizing on my leftover good mood from yesterday.

The four words that ruined everything.

I was on cloud 9 yesterday!

I found out on Thursday that I got the 3rd shift position I bid on!!  Third shift is much less demanding & stressful, not to mention that my weekend schedule now coincides with MIL's.  Yay!

But the bigger news is, I checked the mailbox before I went to work yesterday afternoon & there was a letter from the nursing school I applied to - & I passed my placement test!!!!

That was the biggest sigh of  relief that I've had in a while.  I'm so glad that I don't have to go through it again.  Now I can move on to the next phase of the admissions process, which is submitting transcripts & references & having an interview with the program director. 

My interview is scheduled for March 17th.

And although my mood will likely change, I'm not stressed about the interview process right now.  I've had both good & bad interviews in my life, but I'm in a place where I'm comfortable with them.  It will be ok.

By this point you may be wondering why I was on cloud 9 & what 4 words ruined everything.

I was at work last night all in my good mood & such, & one of the nurses that I love brought me an envelope from the office.  She told me she didn't know what it was for, just that they asked her to bring it to me.  I told her it was my paperwork for my schedule change to 3rd shift.

She said she was really sad to see me go (she works on the horrible weekend with me), & had lots of questions about why I was going.  I explained the nursing school schedule was the biggest factor - Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday from 2-9:30.  She asked about my days off for third shift - every other Monday & Wednesday & every other weekend (the same as now, just on a different shift).

And then she said them - the four words that ruined everything.

"When will you sleep?"

My immediate reaction was, "It's only for a year & a half.  I'll be fine." 

But those words were like a ticking time bomb in my brain, which is why I woke up at 7:00 this morning, sick to my stomach...after having gone to bed at 3:00 AM.

When will I sleep?

After I graduate.

Fingers crossed!

I've got another week or so wait before I  find out if I passed my placement test for nursing school.

In hopes of having positive thoughts & putting good energy into the universe for myself, I decided to make a change yesterday.

I put in a bid for a 3rd shift position at work.

If When I start nursing school, my schedule will be Tues/Wed/Thurs from 2-9:30, so I'll need to work 3rd shift.  Lately there haven't been a lot of 3rd shift openings at work, so I was getting a little nervous about being able to get the position I needed when the time came.

All of a sudden, a full time position was posted yesterday, so I didn't waste any time.  I submitted my letter of interest, & called to follow up this morning. 

I don't want to be a pest, but I got screwed out of a position I bid on a few months ago because someone lost the paperwork.  So as you can imagine, my level of trust in these people is not so good.'

True to fashion, this person still hasn't called me back, so I'll be stopping in for a visit before I start today.

Anyway, enough about the crappy office staff at my job...

The prospect of a schedule that would work well with school is not the only reason I'm excited.  This new schedule would mean I work the same weekend as my MIL, so we won't be on opposite schedules anymore.  Plus, 3rd shift weekends are Friday & Saturday, so I've be off every other Friday & Saturday night.

And, the icing on the cake is, although it would be a different shift, I'd work the same weekend as the co-workers that I love - which means we'll also be off on the same weekends.

At my job there are two types of job postings, ones where bids are based on seniority & others where it's first come, first served.  I'm really, really hoping that since this position just got posted yesterday I was the first one to bid on it.

Wish me luck!

Unfortunately, I may have to save your life one day.

I'm not unwilling to save your life, I just hope it never comes to that.

What I'm trying to say is, I took a CPR recertification course on Wednesday night.  It was weird interesting, to say the least.

The instructor was a little unusual, but I can live with that.  He's been teaching this class (& teaching in general) for over 30 years.  He was very nice & very knowledgable, just a little quirky.

Before the class started a woman came in & introduced herself as a newly trained instructor.  Before she taught a class of her own, she wanted to observe one in action.  Seemed reasonable to me, however, this woman was - how shall I put this? - a little "tightly wound."  This class probably wasn't the best for her to observe.  She couldn't handle the quirks.  And when the instructor tried to include her in the discussion, which was meant  to help, she ultimately said, "I'm not here. I'm just observing."

Umm...ok then.  But you do realize that you are actually here, right?

Then there was this really weird girl who showed up late.  She came in & announced she would only be staying for the adult/child portions because she didn't need infant CPR.  There are two problems with that.

1. It's all sort of mixed together because the skills are generally the same.
2. The test we have to take isn't given until the end, & you need to be present for that to be official.

But again, whatever.  It's none of my business anyway.

The weird part happened later on.  She ended up being there for the whole class, including the infant portion & test.  The Red Cross employees accidentially miscounted the supplies, so there weren't enough answer sheets for the instructor to make his own.  When we reviewed the tests we went around the room & took turns reading a question & giving the answer. 

When it came time for weird girl to read her question, she just blurted out the answer.  So the instructor asked her to read the question like every else did.  Instead of doing that she says (in a scratchy voice that I was hearing for the first time, "Do I have too?  I've been sick & I'm losing my voice."

Really?  Because it seems to me that you've been talking & being weird for the last few hours with no issue.

No issue speaking, that is.  There were definitely some other issues there.

We actually found out after this whole ordeal that weird girl had the extra answer sheets the instructor was looking for.  Somehow she just didn't notice - or  couldn't talk, so didn't say anything.

Despite the unusual environment, the class went well & that's one more thing crossed off the nursing school to do list!

The waiting game.

I woke up so early yesterday morning that I don't even want to mention the time, as it might frighten some of you.  I'm so not a morning person, but yesterday was the big day - the placement test for nursing school.

As some of you probably know, I've been dreading the math for a while now.

Turns out, the math was the least of my concerns -even though the $25 book the school suggested I buy to study was of virtually no help, which I'm slightly annoyed about.

Sure, there were some math problems I just had to guess on, but for the most part I was pretty comforatable with it.

The problem?  There was hardly any math.

There was a whole lot of "which word doesn't belong" & "what comes next in the series?" 

Ok.  I can handle this.

And then, this is where the problems started.  There was a natural science section, which I had no warning of at all.  This section had questions related to everything from earthquakes to diseases caused by eating undercooked pork.

I don't know about you, but I don't store that type of information in my brain in case I'm on Jeopardy for situations such as this.

While overall I'm feeling pretty good about the test, I've got a nagging feeling about the science section.  Hopefully my educated guesses were enough (it was all multiple choice) & I won't have to take it again.

Because I just don't know if I can get up that early anymore...

Getting prepared...again.

A few weeks ago I mentioned a placement test I was taking for a nursing school that I'm applying to.

The test was originally scheduled for groundhog's day, but got cancelled because we had an ice storm that day - although I didn't find out the school was closed until I got there, because we like to do thinks at the last minute in this country. FML.

In any event, it's been rescheduled for this upcoming Wednesday, which I'm happy to report is my day off!!

So, it's back to the math.

I feel a little better this time around, which is a good feeling.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

But it's hard!

And resigning myself to mediocrity would just be so much easier.

None of this adding/subtracting/multiplying/dividing fractions.

None of these ratios & percentages.

None of this converting to & from Roman Numerals.

I could just sit here on the couch with the dog blogging or playing Oregon Trail.

But, I'd spend my life being less than I know I can be, & that would make me miserable.  Even Oregon Trail can't cure that feeling.

So, I'll just have to deal with the numbers & all the awful things I have to do with them.

I wish I had more time to study!  Only having a week is making me really, really nervous!

I am going to be my own worst enemy at taking this placement test...

The next step.

Some of you may remember how much of a loser I am from my recent post.

Although I would like to just sit around eating ice cream & feeling sorry for myself, there is a Plan B.

Plan B is another nursing school I applied to, this one for an LPN instead of RN.

And while it's not what I really want to do, it's the option in front of me (& actually may be better in the long run).

The LPN program takes a year & a half, compared to the 3 years the RN program would have taken.  So in a year & a half I'll be able to get a much better paying job, & money won't be so tight when I ultimately decide to go back for my RN later on.  Plus, I'm hoping I can transition to working part time so I can spend more time at home with DJ, as he'll be needing more help as time goes on.

At the end of the day, as my MIL put it, "a nurse is a nurse is a nurse."  And she would know, because she is one.

So, instead of sulking & eating ice cream, onward I go.  Well, I'm sure there will still be lots of ice cream, but that's besides the point.

The point of this seemingly pointless post is to say that I'm scheduled for a placement test for the LPN program on February 2nd.

The test starts at 8:00 AM.  I'll pause why you shudder.



Seriously?  8:00 AM?  Don't they realize that some of us work until 11:00  the night before?

Guess not.

In any event, it starts at 8:00 & is scheduled to take 3 1/2 hours.  This just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

So, at 8:00 AM after a long night of work I have to go take my first real test in almost a decade - a test that my future is actually depending on.

Can you tell how confident I'm feeling?

The school suggested a picking up a GED book to use as a study guide, so my co-worker/fellow applicant & I are headed to the bookstore tomorrow to pick it up.

I've never taken a GED test before, but I did graduate from high school.  And, contrary to how I'm probably making myself sound right now, I am pretty smart. 

I can do this, right?

I don't have a choice.  I need to do this.

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger & her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

I applied to nursing school this year, which was a concept that terrified me for several reasons:

• I've been out of high school for almost 10 years, & I've never taken any college courses.
• It's a big life/career change.
• The program I desperately wanted to attend is very competitive, & my math grades weren't always the best.

Although I'm confident that I can do the math requred to be a nurse, my poor math history is preventing me from getting that  chance.  I got a letter from that school today, & they can't even allow me to take the pre-admission testing because of my math grades in high school.

It doesn't necessarily mean I'll never get into that school, but it does mean I'll have to delay it for at least another year - probably more.

I knew this was a very distinct possibility all along, but I still held out hope because I'm a non-traditional student & virtually no one applies to the part-time program.  But, no exception was to be made.

Sigh.

Here's where I get all "after school special" on everyone:  this whole situation was avoidable.  I'll be honest, when I was in high school nursing wasn't my plan.  I wanted desperately to go to a four year college & major in art history.  That being said, I didn't take math & science classes as seriously as I should have.  But, life sometimes happens, & art history was not meant to be...& here I am, held back by my former self - who I would like to kick right now.

And so it's time for plan B - in theory, but truth be told, I can't assume I'll get accepted to plan B.  So while Plan B is the plan, plans C-E are currently also in development.

They don't make them anymore because everyone who wanted one is dead now.

I went to an open house at the nursing school I'll be applying to.  I got some really good information to help  me along the application process. Then came the bad news.

The school accepts only 50 people into their part time program.  Fantastic! 

Not to mention, I'm not a math person.  I didn't do so well in math in high school.  I'm sure that I can do what I need to do to be a nurse.  But back then, that wasn't my life plan, & so I didn't care how I did.  I was too busy worrying about English & Art History & all the other stuff that was infinitely more fun.

Long story short:  I may not make the cut.  I may have to take a college Algebra course & defer my application until 2012. 

F. M. L.

After that, there was nothing to do but spend some money.  I went shopping with my cousin & aunt.  I got a super cute scarf, a puffy vest & a few Christmas presents.

We had yummy salads for lunch, met a fellow shopper who drinks shots of tequila & fish bowl size margaritas at noon, held lessons in using a debit card, searched high & low for a toaster cover & shared a million laughs.

It was just what I needed to decide that I can't give up.   I have to just try.

No time like the present

I'm getting up bright & early tomorrow to go to an open house at a nursing school in my area.  There's going to be presentations on admissions, financial aid & that sort of thing, followed by presentations in each of the areas of study offered at the school.

That'll be over at 1, & after that I plan on getting some serious shopping done this weekend.  I have exactly one Christmas present purchased.  One.  And I didn't even have to shop for that.  It's a present for my MIL, which I ordered out of a catalog.  She's gonna LOVE it though, so I'm really excited!!

However, that's one gift on a long list of people to buy for.  Ughh...

I do this every year, & yet I never seem to learn my lesson.  Why do I not just start Christmas shopping early?  Why must I wait until mid-November to start when I know I'm going to have to fight crowds to get anything done?

Although I will confess one thing I am pretty excited about:  Black Friday.  Never in my adult life have I been shopping on Black Friday.  I started working in a retail Call Center when I was 19, & so Black Friday was a mandatory 10 hour day every year.  When you work in retail, the holidays are nothing but a giant pain in the ass - & Black Friday was the worst day of the year.

But now things are different.  I have an opportunity to use Black Friday for it's intended purpose, & I'm finally going to.  Plus, my cousin will be home from college for Thanksgiving break & we're going to make a day of it.  We're rational people, so we're not going to line up at 3 AM to try to get the doorbuster deals.  We're going to start at lunchtime...with lunch.  Shopping is going to be secondary to our love of Mexican food.

Is anyone else a last minute shopper?

I'm not saying you're old, but you're not getting any younger.

I was doing some paperwork last night, & a resident wheeled up next to me to update me on the elections & ask for some hot tea.  All of a sudden, the conversation turns from absentee ballots to my future.

Let me give you some background...

She is very demanding.  When a new nurse or CNA comes onto the floor she likes to test the water.  Once she feels you out, she sees how far she can push your relationship.  Even though there are 59 other residents that all need to go to the bathroom & get their pajamas on, she believes her needs are top priority. 

She's also incredibly tortured, & it's very sad to watch.  So even when she's throwing a hissy fit, you've just got to grit your teeth & realize it's not her talking, it's the disease.  It's sad to someone laughing one minute & sobbing the next.

Despite all that, she's genuinely a good person & I love her.  So, to the funny part...

There we are, talking about the elections, how sad we are that the Phillies didn't win the World Series & what she wanted in her hot tea at 10 PM.  Then, out of nowhere, she say, "You know, you're 26 now.  If you want to be a nurse, you better go to school soon because it takes 3 years.  You'll be 30 when you're done...& then you need to get married & have a baby."

Ok then.

It's funny she mentioned the school part though, because I was thinking the same thing.  A few weeks ago I registered for a "discovery day" at a nursing school in the area.  It's on the 13th.  It'll be information about admissions, financial aid & the different programs they offer (paramedic, pharmacy, nursing, etc). 

I've got some questions, & this is the place for the answers.  After that, I'll be starting my application.  And I'll be honest, it scares the shit out of me. 

I'll keep you posted!