A room full of sweaty, fat guys

I'm sure that title left you wanting to read more.  The thought of a room full of sweaty, fat guys is oh-so-appealing.

You must be asking why I would ever be writing about sweaty, fat guys in the first place.  It follows the usual theme of my blog posts:  everything is DJ's fault.

DJ is the VP of a gaming club in our area.  His club hosted a tournament for a tabletop game called Warhammer over the weekend.  There were approximately 50 sweaty, fat (and sweaty, thin) guys playing in the tournament.

It wasn't all bad though, because there were some super hot chicks hosting a bake sale too.

And the time & effort these sweaty, fat guys put into building an army to play this game is amazing.  I thought I'd share some pictures of the artwork...& some other things I took pictures of when I got bored.

In case you thought I was joking about the sweaty, fat guys.



The dragon was painted by one of the few ladies in the group, & was the winner of the painting competition.  Girl power!



We had a bake sale to raise money for the club.

Cake Pops decorated like the dice used for the game. Yum!



They were short one name tag, but leave it to the women to come up with a suitable replacement.  He wore that plate all day.  Heehee!



Even though he makes me hang out with sweaty, fat guys, I do love him.

Something's missing

Last night at work my unit was overstaffed, so I was pulled to the Alzheimer's unit to help out.

There's never a dull moment on that unit because the residents are totally mobile & totally confused.

Even though they're in their 70s/80s/90s, they think they're in their 20s/30s/40s & they need to pick up their children at the bus stop right away. 

Last night was no exception.

I was doing some paperwork when I heard an alarm - which means someone is crawling out of bed.

I ran to his room hoping to prevent a fall.  And staning there in the doorway was the resident - wearing a long sleeve camoflouge shirt & an adult diaper...pants mysteriously missing.

I managed to help him to the bathroom & back to bed without giggling.  As I was leaving, I heard some comotion back out in the hallway, so I ran back out to help the nurse.

Imagine my surprise when I encountered yet another resident with a long sleeve shirt & no pants - only this time, without the courtesy of adult diaper or other manner of undergarment.

Yep.  This is my job.

Wouldn't trade it for anything.

Ain't that a pisser.

Although I can't be certain, I think my gentlemenly turkey from the other day met an untimely demise.

The people who own the turkey live near a cluster of other houses in an ugly turn on a windy country road.  Oh, & did I mention they also have a flock of ducks & chickens too?

It isn't the prime location for your wild fowl.

And, I noticed on my way home from work this morning, a turkey didn't quite make it across the road.

Although I can't confirm it's "my" turkey, I was still pretty devastated.

Moral of the story - don't let your free range animals graze in an area where people are speeding around treacherous curves in the road.

Other people, I mean.  I would never drive too fast on a windy road.

R.I.P. Turkey.

Tuesday Ten

Lately I don't have the energy to string together enough cohesive thoughts to make an actual blog post, so I'm stealing an idea from one of my favs, Ms. BFG herself.  Stop over & take a look...after you read mine, please.

Here's my Tuesday Ten


1.  Yesterday morning when I was driving home from work I saw a turkey politely waiting to cross the road.  Only after I passed did he look both ways & start to cross.  Total genteman.

2.  Dear Mother Nature, Please decide to just be warm.  I can't handle one nice day followed by many not so nice days anymore.  It's cramping my style.  Thanks!

3.  I have been saying I'm going to decorate for easter for a while now.  Still not decorated.

4.  I don't now why everyone always makes fun of Rachael Ray (& by everyone, I mean my grumpy boyfriend & his friend) but I love her.  In protest, I think I'll cook only Rachael Ray meals for a while.  Sucks to be him.

5.  Speaking of the Food Network, did anyone else watched the Chopped All Stars Tournament??  I am so not a fan of the guy who won.  I didn't appreciate his comments about the other (better, more well established, etc) chefs.  In poor taste, random guy.

6.  I requested to extend my upcoming vacation (before it even started) & I'm crossing all my fingers & toes that it gets approved.  Eleven days off.  Oh. My. God.  My head might explode from joy.  I hate that place.

7.  Does anyone else love making up your own situation approtiate hash tags on Twitter? #ido

8.  I woke up this morning afternoon & when I opened my living room curtains the first thing I saw was some dude driving a riding mower up the road past my house.  Weird.

9. I'm addicted to crappy horror movies on the Sci-Fi channel - especially when they involve crazy, unrealistic sea monsters.  Dinoshark, I'm looking at you...with love.

10.  I've got 3 terrible, horrible, no good, very bad cats.  Anyone want them?

Things I'm doing at 4:00 AM

• Not sleeping.

• Watching Stargate SG-1 on Netflix.  I'm trying to take a greater interest in the TV that my boyfriend is actually willing to watch after several years of him suffering through Maury & Judge Judy.  Love him!

• Complaining.

• Looking at the house that was clean yesterday, which is now untidy...again.

• Reflecting a little on my first night of 3rd shift - although I'm trying not to do that too much.

• Still thinking about how smokin' hot Patrick Wilson is. I watched Morning Glory earlier tonight.  Super cute movie.

• Also thinking about how smokin' hot Ryan Reynolds is.  I watched the Proposal earlier too.

• Googling pictures of smokin' hot men for your viewing pleasure.  You're welcome.

Sounds like a plan.

So, everyone knows how I hate "the math."  I think this is how I'll get through the next year & a half.


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Sound good?

Ok, I'm ready to play now.

I've had a Twitter account forever, but I've never used it on a consisten basis.

Until recently, that is...

( BTW, sentence fragment much?)

In any event, I'm on Twitter @ClosedSunday.

If I'm following your blog & you have a Twitter I could find, I'm now one of your Twerps too.  Is that the right word for Twitter Friend?  I really don't know.

So if you would please, follow me back & let's get to Tweetin'!

Because I have nothing else to write about.

Is Jimmy Fallon not the most adorable thing you've ever seen?  I think he might be.



Image from Google.

I think his late night show is so underrated.  If you haven't seen it, set your DVR - it's very funny stuff.

I've adored Jimmy since the SNL days, & I was always sad that he didn't become the next Adam Sandler after he left.  But now I'm glad he's found his niche.

And as his star rises I'll always remember the good old days when he sang parody jingles for troll dolls (Google it!  So funny...) & it only cost me $8 to see him at West Chester University.

Shut your pie hole, dork face.

Happy New Year!

Ok, so I know I'm a day behind schedule, but the sentiment is what's important.

Now back to the blog title, which I'm sure you're all wondering about.

My family was here yesterday for pork & sauerkraut.  As is normal for them, there was lots of noise & inappropriate jokes at eachother's expense.

My MomMom drank a whole bottle of wine before dinner was over.

My uncle got lost, even though he's been here before, & my aunt was losing her shit in the car.

Everyone always labels their plastic cups so none of the little ones end up accidentially drinking a cocktail instead of fruit punch.  Writing ridiculous things on eachother's cups is sort of a loving tradition.

A few years ago on our annual family vacation my mom was on the phone with my aunt, who was driving with me.  Suddenly, & for no apparent reason, my aunt screamed, "Shut your pie hole!" & hung up on my mother.  It was hilarious, & it stuck with her all this time.  She even got a "Shut your pie hole" t-shirt for Christmas.

In any event, when she wasn't looking someone wrote "Shut your pie hole, dork face," on her cup.

She used it all night too.  She's a champ.

Wordless Thursday?

This totally should have been my Wordless Wednesday picture.


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So awesome.

Wordless Wednesday: Santa's (Un)Happy Helper.

I don't know if it was the antlers, or me...probably me.

With a capital "G."

As you probably know I'm a transplant to the rural area where I live.  I was born in raised in the city, & I embraced my ghetto roots this morning.

I should probably be ashamed of what I did, but instead I'm going to share it with you.

Here goes...

I used a box of generic Tuna Helper to make tuna noodle casserole for dinner.

It doesn't get much more ghetto than that.

The fact is, I need to go grocery shopping.  As I was looking through the cabinets last night deciding what to defrost, I saw the Walmart "tuna skillet" dinner staring back at me & thought, "I've got bread crumbs & frozen peas.  Hrmmm..."

So dinner was born - no defrosting necessary!

I just ate a few spoonfuls after it came out of the oven, & I have to say that it was pretty friggin' tasty.

You can take the girl out of the city,  but you'll never take the city out of the girl.

Is it just me?

I think I finally figured out why I hate Christmas music so much.

Normally, when radio stations start to play Christmas songs in mid-November, I'm over it after the first three songs.  My mom says I'm a scrooge, but I always thought it has something to do with working in a retail Call Center.  My hours were horrendous, & the customers were worse at this time of year.  It was enough to make anyone a little bitter about the holidays.

So far this year I'm all about Christmas.  And, much to my own surprise, I've been enjoying Christmas music in the car on the way to work just about everyday.  Until yesterday...

That's when it hit me.  The reason I hate Christmas songs is all because of one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Christmas song; the cheesiest Christmas song of all time:  "Christmas Shoes."

Now, I know there are a lot of people who treasure that song for it's message.  Don't get me wrong, I understand the message of Christmas too...but that song is a steaming pile of crap.

From the overly dramatic poor-man's-Bruce-Springsteen narrating, all the way to the sad little boy's voice that comes in later, this song makes me crazy.

And as if it wasn't bad enough, THEY MADE A FREAKING HALLMARK MOVIE ABOUT IT!  Has anyone ever seen that?

I should let you know that I tend to cry at movies - all the time.  But that movie - that Hallmark made to tug at my hear strings movie starring Rob Lowe - didn't make me shed a single tear...because it's so ridiculous.

So for the last week or so I've done really well at avoiding this song.  Then, the other day when I wasn't paying attention, it crept up on me.  There I was, rocking out to my all time favorite Christmas song "Feliz Navidad" (don't hate), & before I had a chance to change the station it started.  And now, they've been playing it all day, everyday on every radio station.

Kill.Me.Now.

I know that this probably does make me kind of a Scrooge, and I'm ok with that.

I'm just wondering if it's just me, or if there's anyone else with me.  So if you're a "Christmas Shoes" hater, hit a sistah up!

Christmas with the weatherman.

After my busy thrift store adventures yesterday I came home & had a sudden burst of energy around 7:30.

I went grocery shopping, cleaned my house & then...I broke out the Christmas decorations.

Of course, I've got a story about the decorations.  It all started with my mom, who just can't accept the truth about her beloved front porch Santa decoration.  See, my mom's Santa is special.  By day he's one thing, & by night he's something different.  Allow me to demonstrate.

Day

Night

Anyone else notice anything?

Look, I'm not saying it's wrong for her to display the Santa.  And I'm not saying it's Santa's fault.  It's probably just the crappy paint used to manufacture him.  But the fact remains - she's got an ethnic Santa.

To this day my mother vehemently denies that there is anything out of the ordinary with her Santa.  While I know my mother is not a racist, this is not some abstract comment on how "color blind" she is.  She simply chooses not to accept the truth.

And of course, I find this to be hilarious (As do my bi-racial friend of 15 years & my gay bestie.  Please don't send me any hate mail.  I'm not a biggot, I'm just easily amused).

Anyway, after many years of my relentless jokes at her Santa's expense, my mom made her comeback last Christmas.  On Christmas Day she, my sister & my stepdad came over to our house to open presents.  After everything was opened my mom gave me my "special" present.

And yes, he is displayed as part of my holiday decor this year.

One person's trash.

Today was a beloved day off, which I welcomed with open arms after last night at work.  Super stressful!  But, I have a hilarious story about it to share quickly.

I'm getting a resident ready for bed.  I have my back to her because I'm setting up her bed.  As I turn back around to get her changed, she's dancing in her wheelchair; toes tapping, fingers waving.  It was the cutest thing ever!  And if that wasn't enough, she must have seen the surprised look on my face & asked, "Aren't you going to dance with me?"  So we did - we danced, right there in the middle of my jam-packed, stressful night.  And I'm so glad we did!

Ok, I'm done.  Now, back to my beloved day off...

I woke up early this morning, which was pretty terrible.  I hate waking up early.  (For those of you who get up at the ass crack of dawn on a daily basis for 1st shift, please know that these days "early" is classified as anything prior to 10:00 AM.  Today, "early" was 8:00.)

But, I woke up early with a purpose:  thrift store shopping!  And not just any old thrift store shopping - it was 50% off day!  On a side note, is it really sad that I go to the thrift store on a day when there's a sale?  It probably is, right?  I'm not poverty stricken like I might seem...I just like good deals!

MIL & Auntie-in-law came along for the ride.  Auntie & I shared a cart that wasn't nearly full, while MIL filled a separate cart...almost completely with turtlenecks.  She just kept saying, "I live in turtlenecks, you know."  She really does, too.

I was happy with my finds.  I got an adorable dress that I don't need but had to have because it was $3, a few sweaters/long sleeve shirts for the impending frigid PA winter, a bed skirt because we've needed one for the last 2 years but I've been too cheap to buy one (Again, I'm not struggling to survive.  What is my deal?) & the most adorable Christmas/winter snowman decoration.

It's hard to see in the picture, but he's glittery!  It's not really something I needed, but he was adorable (& only $4), so why not?

And you know, all my crap was only $25!!  So after that, I was in the shopping mood, & we just had to stop by another thrift store that we passed on the way home.  That was wasn't as successful, but it was a hilarious stop anyway.  MIL & auntie had an ugly coat & boot fashion show that, thankfully, didn't end in any purchases.

MIL also found a latch hook kit for $1.50.  Being a crafty lady, she couldn't pass it up.  Not to keep going on tangents, but do you know how expensive those things are?  I looked at them at Michael's once & they were like thirty freaking dollars!  What the hell is that about?

Anyway, since I expressed an interest I learned to do latch hook this afternoon.  It's a cute Christmas pattern, so I'm hoping to have it done in time to hang up this year.  It seems pretty easy, so I don't think that will be a problem....unless my ADD gets the best of me.

Kevin Smith, Grant from Ghost Hunters & some guy that looks like DJ's stepdad

So, like I mentioned yesterday, my favorite part of my weekend away was the "celebrity" stalking!  There were some look-alikes at the tournament, so I spent my weekend trying to take a good picture without being noticed.

Tell me what you think...

Kevin Smith?

Is there a ghost in the Grand Ballroom?

Then there was this random guy who looks like someone I know. 

I had my cake & (I'm ashamed to say) I ate it too.

I went to the grocery store yesterday for some last minute taco dip supplies, & happened upon the bakery section.  Well wouldn't you know, they have a freezer section in the bakery.  And there in the freezer, staring back at me, we ice cream cakes; cute, little baby ice cream cakes.  This is me we're talking about, so I couldn't resist.

When I got home from work last night the boyfriend & I watched the Paranormal State on the DVR & enjoyed some of the cute, little baby ice cream cake...at midnight.

And you know what?  We'll probably do the same thing again tonight.  We've still got Psychic Kids on the DVR!

I'm it.

Lisa at the The Sarcastic Lab Rat tagged me for an 8 question survey.

What you're supposed to do is answer the questions posed by the person who tagged you, then come up with 8 new questions & tag 8 new people.

I've tried this before, & it hasn't worked because the people I read don't want to be tagged.

So, I'll play along with the first part & answer Lisa's questions - which I love, because she threw in a True Blood question.  Holla at ya' girl, Trubies!

Here goes:

1.  What is your favorite food?

My MomMom's homemade pierogies. Delish!


2. If you could go anywhere on vacation (money is not an issue),  where would you go?

Greece

3. What is your perfect weekend?

Every other...when I'm not working.


4. If you could drive any car, what kind would it be?

I'd really like a Volkswagon of some sort; probably a Jetta.

5. Eric or Bill? 

Bill.  I know, I know - he did a bad thing & he wasn't honest about it, but I don't care.  The reason I watch is because of the moment in the first episode when Sookie & Bill saw each other for the first time.  I kid you not, that look got me hooked!  So, yeah, Bill...forever & ever & always.


6. Who is your favorite author?
 
 James Frey, no matter what Oprah says about him.  He's amazing.  I've read My Friend Leonard 5 times, & I cry like a baby every single time. 

7. What is the last movie you saw?

Iron Man 2.  I love Robert Downey Jr.  He's delish like the pierogies.


8. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?

I would have gone to college right out of high school.  Some how, some way - in spite of my mother - I would have gone to school.

Google game

My SIL Jenn played this Google game for PINT recently.  It was too cute, so I decided to give it a try.

If anyone else tries it, I'd love to see what you get!

Type the following in Google Search:
1.  "[name] needs"                            6.  "[ name] eats"                     11.  "[name] does" 
2.  "[name] looks like"                      7.  "[name] has"                       12.  "[name] will" 
3.  "[name] hates"                            8.  "[name] works"                    13.  "[name] is" 
4.  "[name] goes OR has gone"          9.  "[ name] lives"                     14.  "[name] wears"
5.  "[name] loves"                            10.  "[name] died"                     15.  "[name] hears"

1. Renee needs to gain weight. 

2. Renee looks like a crazy person. 

3.  Renee hates coke.

4.  Renee goes rogue.

5.  Renee loves Space Boy Billy Corgan.

6. Renee eats this soup everyday & when she gets hungry.

7.  Renee has inked Las Vegas shopping guides, artist profiles & feature stories for Las Vegas Life & Home Design.

8.  Renee works with the premise that as we ground and center ourselves, our perceptions shift and we see more clearly and sharply

9.  Renee lives with family in Charlotte, NC.

10.  Renee died days after the surgery.

11.  Renee does a better version of the Geico pothole commercial.

12.  Renee will be performing in LA & San Fransisco in early/mid July.

13.  Renee is in love with Go Go Diego Go.

14.  Renee wears the same workout cloths all the time.

15.  Renee hears both what you are saying & what you aren't saying.

Let me paint a picture

Me, wrapped in a towel; with my hair in another.  I've got a bag of dog food in one hand, & a fly-swatter in another.  I am hunting a stink bug.

I couldn't go on like that forever, so I lost the dog food - & the towel I was wrapped in.

There I am, naked & bouncing around my kitchen all because of a stupid stink bug.

And you know what?  I smashed that bitch!


Now that I've given you the gift of crazy, will you please do me a favor?

My beautiful, smart, funny, kind, caring & wonderful cousin Jill made herself a blog.  I'm oh-so happy that she joined us!

Please visit her blog by clicking here & become a follower.  I know you'll love it!