Dear Guy in the gold Honda,
You're a fucking asshole.
Here's an idea - how about you leave a little earlier in the morning instead of driving like an idiot & endangering all the people unlucky enough to be driving around you?? Oh, but I'm sure you're far too busy staying up late & watching porn to be on time in the morning. What was I thinking?
I'm not sure if you noticed as you were speeding past me to beat my to the stop sign (by the way, how did that work out for you?), but you killed a bird. It all happened so fast that I'm not sure how I even noticed. Lucky for me you were going so fast that when the poor little guy flew in front of you HE HIT YOUR GRILL & EXPLODED! Come to think of it, maybe you did notice...I don't really know how you could have missed the mushroom cloud of feathers billowing across your windshield.
Yes, I'm one of those overly sensitive animal lovers. I'm sure you don't share that sentiment. Maybe to you it was "just a bird." But what if that bird had a family? What if that was a mamma bird bringing some food back to the nest? Even worse, what if it wasn't a bird at all? What if your reckless behavior injured, or killed, a person? I'm sure that thought never crossed your mind as you were rocking out to Nickelback this morning.
Believe it or not, I hope you never do get into the catastrophic accident I'm imagining. Though I don't know you (& I don't want to), I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Furthermore, I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone else either.
The purpose of this letter is just to say: Thanks for ruining my morning, douchebag! I hope you were late to work.